Sex is Personal

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg I hope I get this job. Ok, so, I got this job opportunity where I will relocate to Burlington VT and work as a LC/MS tech as an analytical chemist. Basically, everything I have ever dreamed to do in a lab dealing with drug metabolism. I just did up my CV and I am gonna go interview clothes shopping after I hear back from the professor. omg so excited!!!

Hmmm. You know when you hit one of those moments in your life that evokes a great change, or rather a shift in your social sphere? I think I've hit one again, and not too long after the last one. There have been some constants over the years: Ryan, Alli, and Morgan among them. However, I feel that as much as I try to keep Morgan around, that because I am out of sight, I am out of mind. She has a new friend circle now, all of whom I had been really close to last semester, but because of complications that I don't care to name, next to a completely opposite class schedule, I never see her. I do text her and call her, but she doesn't really return the thought. She's forgetful and I understand, it's just tiring. I have begun to shift back to an older crowd, and I feel myself longing for something that I can't seem to place. I feel... restless. I guess it's about time I graduate and move out to find my own answers. Hopefully, the few constants in my life will remain.

Things that I learned today:

My love interest isn't ready for anything committed right now, but she likes me. I can still flirt, right? haha

I don't think I could commit to a relationship right now even if she was interested.

Velociraptor Roulette.

I have a healthy obsession with chemicals.

I am an adult.

It's me who makes me happy, not other people.

The Pope has a YouTube channel

That I missed Sarah (old chemistry buddy) more than I thought I did. I saw her today, it was nice.

so.... I don't know how I am going to afford the books I need for inorganic, not to mention that I need to buy lab notebooks / class notebooks / pens. I still haven't heard from Hess :'(. I really, really need to be hired. I need this job. 

I need a job. This is ridiculous, I apply everywhere that I can around me, and even the place that said that they were hiring won't hire me.I can't afford to pay for gas to get to school; I am negative in my bank account. I don't know what to do anymore. I need to get a car. Plain and simple, but I won't be able to get a loan, because personal loans are now hard to get (thank you Bush administration). My last resort is working for Hess, but I have this feeling that they might not even hire me :(. I have to apply for over night positions.... which means, I get no sleep or time to do anything. This blows.

Amazing. I emailed CatsX3 to get their lyrics. I decided to post them:

Fight fight with fight

 

The loneliness seeps in the car

The same one that’s in her eyes

As she sucks on a cigarette you left her

Back when venus fly traps lined her floor

She’s no spider but it might make a nice metaphor

 

He clumsily opens his mouth

And slurs what he tumbles out

Well no one could miss such a waste of breathing

“My sweet girl you’ve come back home to me”

“My sweet boy, you’ll sleep in the sea”

(backing vocals on verse) Silently

Are you watching him sleep

Bending spires for him

All for what he did

With the skeletons

We’ll hide in the woodsheds

And lie in wait for what?

What do we lie in wait for?

Sweet Molly

Your father screams

“Where have you been?”

What if the stars fell in the sea around your feet

Would you still be gone?

 

And some say I brought her to life

To deliver a silent knife

Which now sits comfortably between his skin

Death is creeping through the chandeliers

With a crumpled smile she disappears

 

(Chorus)

 

Just when you thought it was o

 

Where you lie

Has anybody said you’ve got the saddest eyes?

Just don’t breathe

Has anybody said you’ve got the biggest teeth?

 

Where have you been?

What if the sadness in the world fell at your feet

Would this still be wrong?

 

Just when you thought it was ok

Your were right

You were wrong

 

Kites

 

Who lies sunk in the dust?

Scrawling poetry to the stars above the Earth

Home lies somewhere you lost

In the arms of trees

Where you’d sing with me

 

Florence lights the sky with kites and kites and kites and kites…..

Carrying the hospitals across the big blue sea

Who lies here in the north

Reading poetry from the stars above the Earth

Home lies there in your arms

Hold those notes for me

My Splutterheart

All I hear is the drums

But your fragile song still lingers on

 

Florence lights the sky with kites, the world tears them down

And when you woke up we were on the ground

Through these flooded eyes my sorrow meets this song

And when I woke up I knew you’d gone

 

Hotel at the end of youth

 

Clouds across your sleeping face

Where do we go when we escape

Well there are lots of things that no one knows

 

And all I said was “damn this is frightening”

And all I did was think about everything

 

Weeds grow around your clock face

They hold your hands like distant friends

And in the depths of caverns turn the cogs of the Earth

 

(Chorus)

 

Behind these eyes is a field in an open sky

Where your mother lies with your father inside her arms

You are the air in the words in between her hair

At the same time you’re the sunset that leaves the night

 

(Backing vocals) Give up your quiet crusades

Let sleepy hearts find you

Clouds across your sleeping face

They watch the Earth settle on your skin

And from the sprouts of fingertips the world starts again

 

And all it reads is here lies the dust and sand

And all I did was sleep with clouds in my head

We’re all in this tonight

 

Brilliant the Brilli Ant

 

Find yourself at ease

Push your feet in the ground like you were trees

And fill your broken mouth up with sound

Songwaves and arcs

When you were sixteen were you pining for cones

Mining for keys and burning apple cores, semaphore

Fortune and flies?

While you cry I’ll cut your hair

And thread your fingers through my own

Leaves and twigs and vines

Will cover your arms and legs and eyes

And place you quietly cradled

In the arms of the Earth

 

Through chaotic claps of thunder

You have found yourself sleeping

Open wide, push your wings through

This garden green skin

 

Darkness made of steam

Will crawl from your mouth into the sea

And take whatever got into you

Back to the deep

Find yourself at ease

Push your feet in the ground like you were trees

And let your heartbeat slow

As the tide ebbs and it flows

 

Anchoress

 

Anchoress

Let’s get dressed and forget this ever happened

What a mess

And your eyelids have started to run

 

Lina I cannot forget

Your father will see red

Your husband cannot know

He’ll bring us our deaths

On some different stage

In a terrible shame

Father and husband would both find a grave

 

He’s holding your hair like strings

This puppeteer’s secret wings

 

Lioness

We are waiting in ballrooms and banquets

For one glance

For the slightest sleight of your skin

 

Aiko brilliant and bright

We’ll escape this tonight

I cannot I am loyal with fright

They’re dressed in our clothes

Tied up in the snow

When they’re found

We’ll be nowhere they know

 

He’s holding your hair like strings

This puppeteer’s secret wings

But what if these scissors slip

Could you cut them all to bits?

Anchoress?

 

Sweet drunk everyone

 

Eyes open to woes

The cawing of kids like ghosts

Creeps over me

The fingers through hair

The trickle of tiny tears

The cracks in our speech

 

And there in your room

She changes your life with tubes

And gargles and glee

In front of these eyes

Of tired and aching hearts

Where she could have been

 

In the sea tides hold me

On the air wings fold around me

 

A lion a lamb

A song that brings breathing back

To colourless lips

You need to be red

And belong to a mouth that moves

And touches your head

Which covers your brain

Which translates the sounds he make

To words that you keep

Wrote down in verse

Under the place you sleep lightly

Where he used to be

 

(Chorus)

 

There in your womb

There is a child that blooms into a tree

A stretch of an arm

Your voice keeps me safe from harm

A girl in the sea

I watched as she swam further away from land

Onto the breeze

There on the sand an imprint of someone’s hand

Mine fits perfectly

 

Tower Tower

 

We are your captive audience

Harbouring truths we confess

Only to damp, dark sins

And oh we’re so open handed

We command the English language

To paint your mountain face

 

There’s lights in the sky above us

Your chorus of clouds and rusted violins

Haunts like little endings

Waiting for you there

 

If you should cower

 

Do you think you are the spider

Do you think these hands are bound together

In this web of words

But atop the highest snow peak

This tower of tower’s cogs squeak

Making your blood turn grey

 

(Chorus)

And she sits atop the tower

Your warring of words gets smashed into bits

Haunts like little engines

Waiting for you there

 

If you should cower

I am your tower tower

I’ll be your outer shell

 

I watch your thoughts

Crumble through your teeth

Sharp and white

Inside dark sheets

Lies one fierce girl

Filled with bees and fire

How her black eyes look like mine

 

When my mouth runs out of stories

And these eyelids slide

Build me a stone tower

Where my boy can lie soundlessly

 

 

 

Nope, no date for me today. She never responded to me. I called her for directions and to confirm our plans, cause I'd be damned if I got out there and she didn't pick up then. So, I am through with that, no one wants to chase that hard after someone. I called Brett today, left her a voicemail being all like, "hey, I was busy cause of finals, and we should hang out if you've got some free time. ttyl!lololol" so hopefully that goes somewhere. One question tho, why do girls from Maine like me?

So...
 
It's snowing outside. Look at the snow! Wow!

Got most of my project done. Just have to weight for my professor to email me back with his comments and then touch it up for Monday.

School was canceled today, the day when I don't have to be there, ><

I have another date with Corri tomorrow, depending on my acquisition of a vehicle. Damn the Holidays for being so close! If I can get to her, what will we do? ::wink::

I have two more hours to transcribe for money. Yay.

Taxes were done, finally.

I am gonna get my period soon, hopefully not today or tomorrow

I got my xmas shopping done and spent a reasonable amount of dough.

Hung out with Alli twice this week!

I love Ryan.

I am going to miss Morgan, but I will see her for New Years?

Liz lives down the street basically. So I'll be entertained.

Kim got back to me about the RA thing. She knows where the app is and it will be reviewed before any new candidates. However, they need to exhaust the alternate pool before I can be considered. I am going to start job hunting pronto (tomorrow during the day).

I need to get a car. Any ideas for a cheap but reliable one?

I had an awesome time hanging out with Brett this past Saturday. So, I can't wait until we can repeat that. I also got in contact with that other girl I went out on a date with, turns out something bad happened, I don't know what, but she hasn't really been with it, which is unfortunate. I don't really like how she never responds to anything, but I suppose I will just have to accept it. I don't know if Maggie is still interested in hanging out this week. She never responds to my IM's which is retarded. ::shrugs:: Well, I am off to get paid for all of my hard work so far.

Oh, and I need to get a job this vacation, and I mean I need to. I don't think the RA thing is goign to work out, since Kieth never turned in my application and now it's too late for me to get my recommendations because it's finals week. Ugh, such bullshit. But I have better things in the works.